b.Inspired Cafe & Blog

There Are No Accidents

Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours before me. I vow to live fully each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.

- Thich Nhat Hanh

June 8 08. This morning’s meditation began at 5:30 AM. This is becoming a new habit since leaving the hospital. On one hand we could say I had a terrible accident- smashing my face and head into the street upon hitting a rock while zooming downhill on a kid’s scooter and then two ambulances to two hospitals. There are medical facts including “significant multiple skull fractures, hematoma and cranial third nerve palsy, slight hearing and vision loss.” My husband said the right side of my face was swollen, eye drooped way down and scarred up like a horror movie. I’ve healed a lot in 14 days. My right eye is still shut, the nerve still palsied and they tell me may take 6 months for eye, et al to open/come back. The doctors say it’s feasible it won’t ever revive (I feel it will.) I need to find a cool patch to wear J Hey, could be a fun thing for some speaking engagements coming up!

What's really exciting is the spiritual journey of this experience. I’ve been meditating, reading, journaling and guided by St. Francis of Assisi (b. 1181 or 2, Italy), St. Teresa of  Avila  (b. Spain, 1515), Therese of Lisieux (France 1873-1897),

Babaji (Means “revered father.” Real date of birth unknown, Indian master saint for Paramhansa Yogananda, & others, teacher of KriyaYoga), Divine Mother, Kuan Yin (East Asian, Buddhist goddess of compassion, sacred feminine, Gandhi (India 1869-1948), Eknath Easwaran (b. India 1910, Came to California, opened his meditation center in 1961, year I was born J.  Died 1999) and others. All of this is part of Divine Order and wonderful insights brewing.  I have no memory of the scooter, ambulances or some of hospital Intensive Care Unit 4 days. Who knows what parts of my consciousness may have been newly activated. Intriguing.  The right side physically shut down relates to less left brain ego, thus increasing Spirit/Soul. Cool! We could say that my life has improved. I already felt in love with my life, so there’s now a deepened sense of gratitude and humility. I’m looking forward to more good things unfolding—including whatever is mine to learn and do about inspired leadership and inspired, conscious citizenship.

Some goodies to share:

Asking Divine Mother/Kuan Yin for what I need to learn or ask (while in hospital):

Principle number one = There is only ONE. (We are all of the same essence, oneness.)

The answer to What is your higher purpose? is to be a conduit/ channel of (Divine) Love. So, the most important thing is to Love.

A student, Maria de  San Jose asks Teresa of Avila- “How do we know if we are indeed doing so? Teresa says, “We cannot be sure if we are loving God, although we may have good reason for believing that we are, but we can know quite well if we are loving our neighbors.”

So-as we check in with ourselves each day, it’s not merely to assess how “spiritual” I was, but how well did I love my neighbor? Teresa’s prayer: Lord, let my love for you be magnified by friends whose hearts are lost to you.

Also, our planet and many species are in need of us being “good neighbors.” Now is the time for us to reclaim our true destiny, including the responsible care of our only home. We are each members of a global civilization. We have forgotten who we are when we fall into just letting our culture prioritize greed, profit and personal pleasure over the well-being of humanity and our biosphere. (Recently saw 11th hour documentary, Veterans for Peace, and even the ending quote of the movie Charlie Wilson’s War.)

Yogi tea tag yesterday: Love has no fear and no vengeance.

“We can multiply our joy a million times by learning to love and live, not for ourselves, but for a million other people.“                      - Eknath Easwaran

                                                          Climbing the  Blue Mountain

In our world today, it is time for the integration of masculine and feminine, spiritual and practical, inner and outer. Watching Hillary and Obama is interesting this week. This is an exciting time for our new story and renewing the true purpose of the American Dream.  To revive the Soul of America and make a difference for a better world.

 

When Marianne Williamson was asked “Who are the good leaders today (if it used to be Martin Luther King Jr, etc.) She replied, “We all need to be looking to be better Angels of our OWN SELVES right now. We don’t need to be looking for great people, so much as becoming great people.” Amen, sista! Let us trust that we will be guided by Source and we are the leaders we have been hoping for.

Here’s the other really important thing: Who loves YOU baby? :-) For you to be a source of love and leadership in the world, you need to feel well loved. So add that to your daily practice for sure. Louise Hay’s classic exercise is looking in the mirror and asking “How do I love you more?” I am filling up with feeling well-held and loved by Divine Mother/ Kuan Yin these days. Use whatever works well for you.

Daily Questions for us:

• How am I filling up with feeling loved myself?
• How am I being a source of love for others?
• Did I meditate today?

If you just practice these three- you are truly working well on being an inspired, conscious leader/citizen.

“Remember that true [spirituality] does not divide but unites, does not injure but heals, does not kill but saves. It is your privileged lot... to ceaselessly endeavor to broadcast, at any opportunity, the true principles of divine living, which alone can save man from destruction.”

“Intuition and instinct have more to do with the shaping of character and behavior than intelligence or imitation or impulse. Let the heart, the Inner Man in the heart, guide you, rather than emotion and intellect. Try to get nearer and abide by the “I” in the “I” at home, in the tram, in the bus, alone, in company, by the seashore or near a flower or a plant, abide by and in the “I.” Build up your individuality slowly and surely. “

- Babaji

 

“Those who bring sunshine to the faces of others

cannot keep it from themselves.”                  

- James M. Barrie
(playwright of Peter Pan, played by Johnny Depp, Finding Neverland)

 

 

MEDITATION TOOL:

My favorite meditation technique lately comes from Eknath Easwaran, (http://www.easwaran.org/page/188 )  You know how our brains whirl when we attempt to sit in silence? There’s a wonderful story of a prince riding an elephant into the town, and the elephant’s trunk is wandering all over the place, knocking down the kiosks and making a mess. If the trainer places a stick in the elephant’s trunk, this gives it something to hang on to and the prince is able to ride gracefully with peace. Repeating a passage is like giving your mind a stick to hold onto. The St. Francis prayer is a good starter. 

Try to memorize it and just repeat slowly, silently to yourself, with eyes closed. Over time it will become your stick. The first word, “Lord” felt a little old-fashioned or too conservative for me, so I made up an acronym.

LORD: Love Omnipresent Revealing the Divine                                                                                                                 make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
                                    for it is in giving that we receive,                                 

it is in forgiving that we are set free
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying to small self that we are born to eternal life.

                                                                         -St. Francis of Assisi (modified) 

 

Even a part of this or just five minutes in the morning could be a great meditation practice.  Eknath recommends 30 minutes per day. I’ve been doing that lately and hope it lasts. This also came in handy during all my MRIs, Cat Scans and waiting in offices and traffic.  Try it and let me know how this goes for you. Or you may love another passage to use as your stick.  Let me know how it’s going – would love to hear any comments.

Hope your summer is off to a great start. Mine started with a bang and I’m looking forward to more fun and interesting adventures of the inner world and beyond.

With love and joy,

Marian

p.s. I want to add more resource links and book shelf to the café soon for great stuff on inspired leadership, mind-body-spirit growth, etc. Stay tuned.

 

Pain in the Neck, Find the Gift

I had a very unexpected curve ball knock me "out of service" for a full week. A pinched nerve in my neck/spine led to immense pain, trips to doctors and MRIs, codeine and needing to cancel everything for a while.  I'm much better, off the narcotics, doing physical therapy and back in the saddle of work and life with joy.

On a spiritual level, it's been a fascinating experience of "dismantling the ego." Basically, the ego thrives on being useful. So, Spirit finds a way for me to be virtually useless for an entire week. I could not use my hands or arms, so no writing/ typing or email. Couldn't coach while in such pain or high on drugs or throwing up. Couldn't catch up on reading really either. I had intended on hitting the pause button more, but hey! :-) That was one way of finding the gift in this experience. Another benefit is that I have a new level of empathy for people in pain. When I was in almost unbearable pain for days, I was getting cranky and "just shoot me" impatient. The next time I encounter a road rager cutting me off or the hostile store clerk, I'll find that place in my heart that goes to "Oh, honey, you must be in pain. I'm sending you some loving, healing energy." Well, that's what I hope I'll remember in those moments!

On April 15 we could say that taxes are often a pain in the neck. How do we find the gift in that experience? I'm grateful that I had the money in reserve funds to cover some unexpected expenses. I'm grateful for having it be done and being able to enjoy American Idol with my husband tonight. That's the best I can do for right now. :-)

So, how's it going with your Morning Rituals out there? See the next post for some ideas...

Morning Ritual Ideas

Let this Morning Ritual Menu stimulate ideas and experiments for you:                                  

“Thought for the Day” Reading

    There are many “daily meditation” type books that have a certain message each day to encourage us on our journey and offer some thought-provoking inspiration. You may want to follow the calendar, or just flip to any spot and read each morning. Reading the financial section of the newspaper to check how your stocks are doing over a double espresso to jolt you awake is not quite the same idea.

“STAY”; Self Talk And Yoga

    Don’t leap out of bed and into the shower. Linger in bed for a while, do some simple Yoga stretches and “self talk” to declare intentions for your day. Clasp your hands over your head and stretch your whole body, as if you are being pulled at both ends. This actually enhances your “Ki” energy flow through the meridians in your body. Upon awaking we are in a semi-dreamy, slower brain wave mode or “alpha” state. This is an excellent opportunity to envision how you want to BE and what you wish to create this day. Examples: “I choose to be confident and gracious today in the meeting with Max.” or  “My intention is to create ____________ today.” If you like, say a prayer, ultimately turning over the day to your higher power, whatever that means for you.

Dream Capture

Try to remember your dreams upon awaking. Don’t move. Stay in that groggy zone and say your dream out loud (into audio recorder) or write it down right away. It may help to give it a title and recall the last thing that happened before you woke up. Dreams can be friendly warnings or reminders to take a look at something we may not be dealing with in our busy day-to-day faster brain wave mode.

“Morning Pages” from Julia Cameron’s The Artist Way

First thing in the morning, write a few pages long hand of whatever comes to mind. Don’t try to be eloquent, just let it flow without censoring or editing afterward. This is for your eyes only. Writing in the present moment is a tool used to clear emotions or “inner saboteur” type Gremlins, and as an aide in stimulating creative flow. Practicing this sort of brain dump or release in the morning will empower you to be more fully present and have lighter energy for the day ahead.

“Joy in the Morning” Post-it Note

    Write a short message on a post-it note and place it where it will greet you first thing in
    the morning. What would a your most loving, supportive, motivating, fun angel or
    friendly companion say to start your day on the right track? Try taking a negative
    mantra in your head and transforming it into an affirmation. Like “I’ll never meet the
    right person.” to “Your soul mate is looking forward to meeting you. Maybe today.”
    Change the little message or visual often enough to notice it rather than let it become too
    familiar and blend in with its surroundings.

Surrender

Release the day to your higher power, the universe, your indwelling spirit-- whatever feels right to you. Write your declaration of letting go, joyfully say it out loud or sing in the shower! Here’s a little Surrender song written with some emphasis on Prosperity. Develop your own custom surrender ritual and feel the strength of your higher self winning over lower self, ego, gremlins and other assorted buggers.

Surrender Song

I surrender now
I give all I am to Thee
I release this day to
The Higher Power within me
Since I am God energy
I deserve prosperity
I am my true spirit
and I am free
And I know my Angels are helping me

I surrender now
I give all I am to Thee
I will follow Truth
and simply let the Gremlins be
Spirit help me see the way
Let go and trust my heart to lead
I am grateful for this precious day
Divine abundance fills my every need

I surrender now
I give all I am to Thee
I Let go, let God
What are Abba’s desires for me?
I know I will find the way
I walk in faith, not fear
My unlimited source lives right here (hand on chest)
In love and light my choice is always clear

Affirmations & Intentions for Today

Your affirmations certainly don’t have to only be born out of antidotes to inner saboteur tapes. You may just want to affirm a quality or perspective you are cultivating or declare an intention with some oomph at the start of your day. Examples:

•    I am coming from curiosity and compassion with my partner.
•    I am allowing in “incredible” in my work.
•    I am looking for the good and focusing on possibilities.
•    I am making a difference here.
•    I am always at choice.
•    I am an inspirational leader, bringing out the best in others.
•    I am prosperous!

Face Time

We’re not talking about beating the boss into the office here. Each morning, face yourself in the mirror and simply ask, “How could I love you more?” This simple ritual comes from Louise Hay, the Queen of Affirmations. It may feel silly, or remind us of Al Franken’s Stuart Smalley character from Saturday Night Live. I invite you to just try this on and reclaim the possibilities of your personal power. Have fun developing your own provocative questions or declarations for the man in the mirror.

“SIT” - Solitude, Intuition & Tea

    Pause long enough to brew some tea, find a quiet, private spot where you love to sit and enjoy your tea. Reflect on how you would like your day to unfold. Notice what comes up for you in this silent space. Listen to your intuition for guidance for the day. If the “demons” and demands of the hectic schedule bark at you, gently reassure yourself you can handle it or resolve to not let that energy unravel your true intentions. Look forward to allowing in a day you know you’ll enjoy.

Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, “Grow, grow.”
    -The Talmud

The Real New Year Begins April 1!

Dear Friends,

How are you? It’s spring in Chicago… snowing 9 inches on March 21. I'm dreaming of a white Easter? Time flies when we’re having fun- hope you’ve had a good month or so. I’ve been gratefully busy with delightful synchronicities, wonderful new clients and more invitations to speak about the difference between conventional success and Inspired Success and “When Women Wake, Mountains Move.”  Also met Dee Dee Myers (former White House press secretary) on her book tour with “Why Women Should Rule the World.”  Great book. I might assert that Inspired, Conscious, Integrated Masculine-Feminine, Inner-Outer energy Should Rule the World, but that’s not a zippy title, now is it?

The Real New Year Begins April 1!

Would you like another chance for a fresh start? The observation of the New Year was originally celebrated on April 1!* In 1582 a pope decided to introduce a new calendar that changed it to January 1. Traced back to 16th century France—people who didn’t catch on to the new date were sent on “fools’ errands.” [* Source: Doug George, The Chicago Tribune, April 1, 2005.]

Isn’t it intriguing to think that once upon a time the “natural” New Year began in April? Don’t we feel more in the mood to look at goals and enjoy fresh beginnings at this time of year rather than in December/January?

So, let’s celebrate setting intentions and new growth now. Release whatever resolutions you may feel guilty about not achieving since January. Breathe and give yourself another fresh start!

OK, now that we’ve cut ourselves some slack, may I offer up a healthy challenge? (see next post, "Five
Minutes to Transform...")

Let’s make April “Morning Ritual” month.

I look forward to "seeing" you at the café and sharing comments, challenges and tips about how to transform your life by starting your day with 5 minutes of conscious, intentional , inspiring energy.

 

Take 5 Minutes to Transform your Life & Business Success

I was invited to speak for 175 high achieving women. They told me these were “driven, type-A professionals” who needed fresh motivation to keep rockin’ in 08. I carefully thought and prayed on what could be the best ideas and tools for them.

I was so excited to relate to them as a spiritual seeker who is also a business entrepreneur. A meditating, Rumi-reading mystic who is also a six-figure professional in a nice suit :-) The secret to our new story of true success is Blending the best of those worlds, right? There was glee in my sharing “great finds” with them about how to create Inspired Success vs. how we’ve been trying to pursue “working harder” type success. Like the difference of dragging a heavy suitcase up the stairs and the flow of wheels on luggage. We had fun imagining being the CEO with three departments to utilize; Mind, Body, Spirit. The Body and Spirit desks are underemployed and wondering - "Hey, when is she going to put us to work for her- not just for warm fuzzy, personal life-coachy stereotypes, but for real business benefits and growth?" Consider the cost- benefit analysis of talking yourself out of yoga or cardio "to get more work done" and so on. What really does contribute to you doing a better job? It is time to take a stand, folks. Mind-Body-Spirit fuel is good for business. Add to that how much we need more inspired, conscious, feminine energy for better lives and a better world. They got it. It felt like an itch got scratched to say it all out loud together, you know?

A tool that tops the list of Inspired Success is how you start your day. One of the simplest and most beneficial life habits you can take on is a Morning Ritual. Do you wake up already thinking about your to-do list, while you gulp coffee and dash for the train? Is the morning more about perspiration than inspiration? Also consider the impact of digesting the morning news, filled with crime and conflict. How you begin your day sets the tone for the rest of the day. Each day adds up to your life. The purpose of this tool is to Hit the Pause Button for the sake of beginning each day consciously and intentionally. Just five minutes each morning can be the catalyst that makes the difference between tolerating your life and loving it.

There are 1,440 minutes in each day. Can you spare five to find more joy or effectiveness? Are you and your aspirations worth that? My morning ritual includes affirmations and surrender.  (My end of day ritual is about gratitude.) Of all the tools I have created for myself and clients, these are my most enduring and treasured life habits.

I am not a morning person. Yes the author of Wake Up Inspired wakes up groggy. Let's not be so literal :-) Not yet fully awake and functioning, I shuffle into the kitchen. The dried cranberries I used to sprinkle on my cereal sit next to the salmon flavor cat treats in a remarkably similar package. You know the rest of that story. I share this personal tidbit for my non-morning comrades out there who might resist the idea of adding anything to their morning. I must tell you how important a morning ritual is in our quest for Inspired Living. It doesn’t need to be time-consuming or elaborate. Simple, short and sweet may be best, as long as it has meaning for you.

Morning is ideal for practicing your Tune In Time. Imagine kicking off each day feeling guided by something greater than yourself, and supported to go for it for another day. Another simple morning ritual is reading something that inspires you for five minutes, such as The Daily Word or other daily meditation type books. One of my favorites lately is "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have" by Mark Nepo. Read affirmations or intentions that genuinely inspire you. (There are exercises in the Wake Up Inspired book to help you create these.) Try taking five minutes, three mornings per week, to start. Then build up to a daily habit. Over time, this tiny piece of your day will have a significant impact in how you experience and appreciate your whole life.

Our 30 Day Challenge:

As mentioned, we're declaring April as Morning Ritual month. Let’s commit to supporting each other in creating (or enhancing!) a Morning Ritual habit. Start your day with 5 minutes, consciously, intentionally and filling up with inspiration.

I’ll continue sharing ideas and examples—and want to hear from you about what works, what’s challenging- all of it! Ironically, even just 5 minutes may not easy to consistently do every morning. I started this year with a new 30-minute meditation habit (inspired by Eknath Easwaran’s 8 point program). Must confess that this has fallen off and I want to re-cultivate a stronger morning ritual- habit because I know the benefits last all day, fuel conscious living and prosperity. Some of you may already have a hour long morning ritual-- so what do you want to tweak that could serve your inspired success even more?

Starting April 1, we all get a new chance to commit to the lives we are meant to love. It does take rigor :-) May the force be with you…. let me know how it's going out there.

Be well, be inspired,
Marian

Beware of Train Tracks

A funny thing happened on the way to publishing (and promoting) a book. This process has rocked my world. I’m grateful for the unexpected routes toward spiritual growth. There are key moments where I have to stop and catch myself from being swept up in that train ride of what you’re supposed to do (to be a successful author, play a bigger game, et al). You know those kinds of train tracks, don’t you?

A conversation with a publicist added another curve. She was very nice. And her “bare minimum of what any author should commit to in money and effort” was four times what I had been estimating (with other consultants’ head nods). After I got up off the floor, the real opportunity here was another dive into my deepest spiritual center. A long walk. A cup of tea at a café- away from email and the phones. A piece of paper with the words, “What do you really want?” and then “What are you truly called to?”

It’s a fascinating paradox. Things that upset me (at first) lead to breakthroughs in knowing who I am and what I’m meant to be doing with my life energy. (The practice of seeking growth rather than just building frustration is a choice we get to cultivate over time. You let yourself have the initial “Oh Sh-t!” and then you get curious about “Oh. Shift?”)

Something that appears to throw you off course leads to feeling more truly on course.

Rock Your World

Think about it. If everything works out according to our plans, we don’t get to grow.

Dear friends—I wish for you a wonderful, peaceful, fulfilling life. And, I invite you to allow something in that would rock your world. Or at least contemplate what that might be and see what that brings up for you. What if you lost your job, won the lottery, got offered some amazing opportunity, learned you had three months to live? Imagine some wake up call.

Take yourself away from your daily routine for a self-coaching coffee date. Ask yourself “What do I really want?” in a way you have not asked for a long while. Stare out the window and let that roll around.

Challenge some of your answers with “Why?” or “What’s so important about that?... What matters more?” There’s a richer place underneath all the wants. Let go of all of that and deeply ask, “Who am I meant to be?”

After a while, follow up with, “So then, what is mine to do?”

Notice the temptations of train tracks in your work and life. What are some ways to reclaim your grounded, charting-your-own-course self and higher guidance? Don’t just read this. Do it. You deserve that much self-love and self-respect. You will sleep better and, yes, wake up inspired.

I’d love to hear your comments and/or your experience of delving into these questions. :-)

Be well… be inspired,

Marian

 

Get Empowered: Face Your Finances

At a recent Pink magazine conference, I met Amy OIiver, a Financial Planner on her inspired mission to help empower women to think ahead about those things we often just put out of our minds. Here's Amy's contribution to the b.inspired Cafe to help ensure that lack of financial forethought doesn't derail your inspired living. - Marian

Women and Finance – A Likely Pairing

Despite the fact that the great majority of women will be, at one point in their lives, in control of their household finances, some women may feel that they lack the confidence or knowledge to make wise financial decisions alone. Although patterns are changing, a woman will generally spend more time out of the workplace, earn less and live longer than her male counterpart. With less money needing to last longer, women need to be prepared to handle all of their own financial decision-making.

Getting Started
It’s never too late—or too early to start taking an active role in your finances. If you haven’t been involved in your family’s finances to this point, becoming organized is a good place to start. Everyone, both men and women, should keep an organized, updated record of all assets owned in their name, their spouse or partner’s name and their minor children’s name. This record should contain account numbers, institutions where accounts are held, approximate value and legal ownership. This information will be helpful should an unexpected event occur, such as the death of a spouse or divorce.

In addition to keeping an organized record of assets, you should begin reading financial publications and attending any meetings with financial advisors or planners. These experts can help answer any questions you might have about your individual circumstances.

When Things Do Not Work Out
A sad fact of American life is that the majority of married couples will at one point separate or divorce. With this in mind, it is important to try to keep a clear head when it comes to finances, even during this emotionally trying time. Your organized record of family finances should help make the process of dividing property a little smoother. Some steps to consider once a divorce seems inevitable:
•    Set up your own checking, savings and credit card accounts if you did not maintain these separately during your marriage. Many experts advise husbands and wives to maintain some separate accounts during their marriage.
•    Close or freeze joint accounts.
•    Update your will and any beneficiary designations that will change because of your divorce.

Preparing for the Unexpected
While death is an inevitable event, no one likes to think about it. Having a plan in place will make handling financial arrangements much easier should you find yourself suddenly widowed. Again, the key to a good plan is knowing what you and your husband have. An organized record of all accounts, including retirement, insurance and social security benefits will help you quickly settle accounts and continue to receive the income you are entitled to. For most communication with institutions that your husband had accounts with, you will need to provide a copy of his death certificate. Some important steps to take right away include:
•    Keep all accounts current. Pay all of your husband’s bills on time.
•    Complete paperwork for multiple copies of death certificates.
•    Notify the administrator of his IRA accounts, your insurance agent and his employer if he is still working or has a pension through them.
•    Contact Social Security. They will need to be notified of your status as a widow to continue receiving benefits.
•    Change ownership on all accounts and real estate. Any assets that were held jointly will need to be changed to sole ownership in your name for future estate planning.

Taking an active role in your finances is an important step for many women. While preparing for the unpleasant possibility of divorce or becoming a widow is not something you want to do, it can help ease some of the stress should one of these events occur. If you have not established a relationship with a financial professional, you should begin working with someone you trust. He or she can help you prepare for the unexpected and gain confidence in your financial decision-making.

Amy N. Oliver is a Financial Advisor with Smith Barney located in Chicago, Illinois and may be reached at 312-648-3351 or amy.n.oliver@smithbarney.com

Smith Barney is a division of Citigroup Global Markets Inc. Member SIPC.
Citigroup Inc., its affiliates, and its employees are not in the business of providing tax or legal advice. These materials and any tax-related statements are not intended or written to be used, and cannot be used or relied upon, by any such taxpayer for the purpose of avoiding tax penalties. Tax-related statements, if any, may have been written in connection with the “promotion or marketing” of the transaction(s) or matter(s) addressed by these materials, to the extent allowed by applicable law. Any such taxpayer should seek advice based on the taxpayer’s particular circumstances from an independent tax advisor

“Trick or Treat?”

My client Sarah has become increasingly aware of her choices relevant to self care and health. When attracted to a glass of wine or a piece of chocolate cake, she has two “stories” to assess.  We support her to make a distinction between what she feels like doing in the moment vs. what will genuinely serve her well in the bigger picture. One story might say, “Go ahead—having that wine is great self care. You deserve a treat.” Here is a moment of truth opportunity.Trick or Treat: Is this truly an optimal treat or is a self-sabotaging inner voice tricking us into believing this is smart well being?

Trust me, I’m not preaching about abstinence from wine or other goodies. There’s no firm rule about what everyone should do. If the example were a weekend vacation (instead of wine) would that be a smart self care choice? Not necessarily. We each need to tune in to our higher wisdom and pragmatically think things through. We need to connect more deeply to that bigger picture mission, potential consequences, trade-offs and heartfelt priorities. This is especially relevant if we are tempted by immediate gratification rather than lasting fulfillment. We need to cultivate that discernment about “moment” vs. “momentum.” Sarah’s new story includes sharpening what it means to really love, respect and care for herself- to consciously discern when it’s a clever trick and when it’s a genuinely health-fueling treat.

For your own Trick or Treat moments, ask "Is this what my smaller self feels like doing in the moment or is this truly what my higher self knows is best for me?" Step back and reflect on questions like, What is the high priority value I want to honor? What will be the longer term impact or ripple effect? What matters most?

Television is another fascinating Trick or Treat category. If the need is to rejuvenate, how much is your TV watching like sugar water vs. real juice? To TV or not TV is not the question. It depends on the moment, the day, the content, et al, right? I may feel like curling up on the couch, but I could be a more fulfilled, refreshed, intentionally living person if I go out walking or make those phone calls. At other times, letting myself vege out or be filled-up by an inspiring movie could be the ultimate healthy treat that serves the longer term higher good as well. It’s the conscious discernment that counts.

Another client, CEO Jack, coached about how to show up in a key strategic planning meeting. Feedback from his team indicated they were concerned about his emotional reactions, thus they might hold back.  Also, Jack needs to let go of control and empower others more for his desired business growth and personal goals. Jack is smart and quick to dive in with ideas and solutions, possibly preventing him from seeing the capabilities and contributions of his team. We coached about his higher values and desired outcomes. Jack’s Trick or Treat discernment question was, “If I speak up in the meeting right now, will it contribute to the higher mission of the business longer term (or maybe just satisfy my emotional needs for the next 10 minutes)?” This really helped him to consciously choose when to jump in and when to bite his tongue.  By letting others pick up the ball and run with it more, Jack can create more breathing room in his life, as well develop trust that his business could run without him in the future.

The self-pride that stems from keeping your promises to yourself, and managing your energy well is a great momentum builder. Each choice in sync with your true values contribute to more pep in your step and to you being a joyful contributor in the world.

Coaching Questions:

•    Actively observe your Trick or Treat moments for a couple weeks.  In what areas of your life is this most relevant? What are you learning?

•    What are the provocative questions to help you discern an optimal choice?

•    What does matter most for you over the next 3 months or so?

•    Pick one focus area and practice cultivating truly treating yourself with smart, compassionate choices more than grabbing semiconscious treats.

As always, I would love to hear your comments or questions: Marian@WakeUpInspired.com
or post a comment below.

Be well…be inspired!
Marian

pumpkin photo credit, link

The Value of Indecision

"Don't just do something, sit there." This could be a slogan in my messages from the universe lately.

I was at the computer tonight, when suddenly my office (and entire building) went black. I carefully groped my way down stairs, found matches, a candle. I was planning on writing and rehearsing for upcoming speaking. It felt weird to have this "can't do anything" wave come in. However, I had just returned from an intense weekend with Caroline Myss, and Entering the Castle work. So the idea that the universal greater life force wants me to let go and stop trying to be productive felt very familiar. Sitting in the dark felt uncomfortable and comforting all at once. Surrender to Higher power vs. fret about utility power :-)

The lights came back on. Curious about what I should do for the  rest of the evening, I drew an Angel  Card, asking for what I need to be alert to. Each card has one word, and a little reference book where I find additional insights/ guidance. Tonight I drew a BLANK. This is a first. I just laughed. OK,OK, I get it. Surrender to the nothingness.

With Caroline Myss at CMED Institute, we spent deep time inside our “cocoons” …a “dark”, quiet space, where we can’t effort/do/handle anything…Where God does not want or need our interference. (If you prematurely pierce the Cocoon, even in the effort to be helpful, you kill the Butterfly.) In the cocoon, we surrender and Allow whatever issues, things to figure out, etc. to be DISSOLVED into Holiness/Grace. To give way for our Butterfly consciousness/self to emerge.

Tonight, while looking for something else, I found this essay about indecision:

I was invited to contribute to an article about happiness (for SELF magazine) on “how indecision could be a useful quality.” Intriguing query, hmm?

To over-simplify, let’s say that real happiness comes from making choices that are in tune with your true self. Not rushing a decision and reflecting before saying “yes” or “no” could be essential to creating a fulfilling life. How many times have we been on autopilot, not quite thoughtful enough about a decision that may throw us out of balance? (Chronic indecision could be a sign that you are not connected to your authentic self, values and real priorities. Or there may be some fear or healthy intuition that deserves attention before taking a leap.)

One of my favorite formulas is “Awareness- Responsibility- Choice.” Sometimes it serves us well to linger in Awareness—to intentionally not make a decision, a plan or anything proactive. It’s our job to wait… listen… be open… be willing and that’s it.  Even hearing Paul McCartney singing “Let it Be” on the radio hit me in a new way.

I’m listening to a Wayne Muller tape while walking- “Sabbath.” Today’s walk featured a powerful question from Eastern traditions- Are you willing to let the mud of your thoughts (or of your life) settle and wait for the water to become clearer?

Muller speaks of coming from a quiet knowing of rightness rather than that desperate need to act. He sparks provocative challenges about how we feel seduced…to be effective, powerful or important. Those temptations can lead us astray.  With letting things be, with “white space” and rest-- we gain the nourishment, wisdom, clarity and courage to be who we are meant to be.

Questions for YOU:

How much white space is in your life? When and how would it serve to well to “hit the pause button” rather than decide? What is your temptation to "pierce the cocoon" prematurely and thus destroy your "butterfly" self or squelch that deeper/higher truth? Get curious about your own unique process and signals, calling you to wait and wonder and trust that you will also know when to get into action.  I’d love to hear any comments at marian@wakeupinspired.com

Be well… be inspired,
Marian

Secret Fruit of Inspired Success

Did you know that the DNA differential between humans and chimpanzees is less than 4%? (The next time you see one of those documentaries on great apes, this little statistic may lead you to see your brother-in-law or co-worker’s behavior in a whole new light, hmm?) Consider this as I share the following case study about primates (passed on to me by a colleague from the U.K.)

The study: Picture a large cage in which a banana hangs above a set of stairs. Add five apes to this scene. Before long one of the apes notices the banana. (We can imagine he is the Homer Simpson of these Apes.  Mmmm, banana.) As soon as he touches the stairs to reach for the banana, he and all of the apes are sprayed with freezing cold water. This continues through several more attempts by various apes. After a while, another ape approaches the stairs.  At this point, we have our first plot twist in this study--the other apes maul him to prevent him from going any further.

What happens next is a critical part of this study-- the cold water is shut off.

One by one, the original apes are removed and replaced by new apes. Each new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror all the other apes attack him. After another attempt and another attack, they each learn that if they try to climb the stairs, they’ll be mauled again. The “new” apes have no idea why they were prevented from reaching the banana or why the group is beating the newest ape. Nonetheless, they participate.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all five apes in the cage have never been touched by a drop of cold water. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because, by now, that’s the way they’ve always done it and that’s the way it’s always been done around here. Sound familiar? My U.K. friend concluded this with “and that’s how company policy is set.” I would add that’s how we are all conditioned to not risk too much, too play small or acquiesce somehow in our lives. My husband heard this story and said, “Oh, man that’s so perfect. It’s like the guys that got hosed are long gone, but we’re still not going for the banana!” Point: What happens when we don’t stop to say, “Wait a minute. Is this the way I want to live my life? Is this the best we can get?”

What are the bananas in your life that you think you can’t have? How might you be distracted by old tapes and self-limiting beliefs or cultural norms that aren’t really the truth, like the cold water that was turned off a long time ago? What are (were) the insidious patterns or unspoken rules in your family, workplace and other contexts? How might you be acquiescing rather than fully choosing?

I ran across this beguiling line recently (quoting Desmond Morris); “We may prefer to think of ourselves as fallen angels, but in reality we are risen apes.” In New Thought teachings, it’s affirmed that we are “spiritual beings having a human experience.” And it’s fair enough to say that there’s a little Homer Simpson in all of us as well. Once again, it’s up to us to choose how to invest our energy and create our reality. You really don’t have to be an ape in a cage. What choices might you make if you challenged some of your inherited or underlying assumptions?

Coaching Homework to Try about Bananas:

What are the bananas you’d love to reach for?

Journal on the following:

• I would love to …
• If I had more time, I would…
• If I were more willing, I’d love to…
• If X were not in the way, I know I would…
• If I had more courage, I would go for…
• If I had more money, I’d finally…
• If my family would let me…
• If I believed in myself, I’ll bet I could…
• If I thought I couldn’t fail, I would…

Keep asking yourself these types of questions and get curious. Write down a few Banana thoughts each day for a while.

Also, notice “cold water” experiences from your life. Example: In the first decade or so of my advertising career I received consistently positive feedback for my writing, “especially for a suit,” a pleasantly surprised creative copywriter would say. I never thought I was a writer, but I had confidence that I wrote well enough for business purposes. One of my last bosses hated the way I wrote. (Enter freezing water.) He preferred everything in three bullet points to a page in large type- just the highlights and bottom line. I adjusted to please him. A couple years into this, a new senior partner came along who preferred longer form and “building the story” rather than quick bullet points. This just confused my sense of “good writing” even more. Attempting to please both of these very bright men whom I admired, I think I lost my own writing voice. In spite of 12 previous years of hearing praise from discriminating creative directors, I stopped believing that I could write well enough for almost anything. Even after I moved on from this position, my confidence in my writing remained shaken. The cold water had been turned off, but I still wasn’t going for the banana. By taking small steps and nibbles, and hearing positive feedback again, I gained my footing. I still don’t think of myself as a writer, but I am absolutely called to share my thoughts on paper if it might reach someone and make a positive impact in his or her life. That’s a banana worth some climbing and reaching.

Pause here and reflect on your own possible cold water experiences.

• What happened?
• What is no longer a real threat (or never was), yet may linger on, limiting you from fully expressing your true self?
• What may need some sort of healing or reprogramming that reflects reality more accurately?
• Moving forward, what is possible?

Let’s be careful to not assume going for the bananas is about big achievements. A realization could be that one of your bananas is to give yourself permission to take a nap in the afternoon!

Here are some examples of Bananas to consider. Many of these are inspired by choices my clients have made.

• · Saying no to your beeper and cell phone
• · Kayaking
• · Seeing friends 2+ times/week
• · Getting great sleep
• · Your book proposal
• · Dating your spouse
• · Writing your novel- daily
• · Walking in sunshine every day
• · Committing to monthly massages
• · Planting a garden
• · Asking him/her for coffee   
• · Do Nothing Days
• · Calling about that volunteer work
• · Hiring help
• · Starting your own business
• · Singing lessons
• · Leaving your dead-end job
• · Signing up for that course
• · Starting your foundation
• · Writing the grant proposal
• · Saying NO
• · Exercise 3 times/week
• · Going for the promotion
• · Auditioning for that play
• · Not opening emails!
• · Leaving work at 5:30pm
• · Your own website or blog
• · Going to school/new degree
• · Eating healthy
• · Creating Do Not Disturb time
• · Walking a 3-Day charity even
• · Making time for Yoga
• · Working 4 days/week
• · Following your heart to another state
• · Running a marathon
• · Moving to France

Now, declare one “banana” that you promise you will go for. Set a deadline. Get accountability support from your coach or buddy. Reach. You deserve nothing less.

Be well, be inspired,

Marian