They say it takes a village. What is the quality of your village? Are you hanging around people that inspire you and challenge you to be your best? Or are there lingering relationships and environments that drain your energy, contribute to doubt or complacence? What/who perpetuates your ego? What/who nourishes your soul?
For soulful community, support, stimulation and fun, it’s essential to connect with other people with whom you truly resonate. When I say Right Tribe, I am not referring to your family of origin or ethnic background. This is about resonance at an energy level. We could say “chemistry,” but it’s more like a vibration. There are certain individuals we meet where the vibration feels strong almost from the first moment we make eye contact. Love at first sight is not just a romantic phenomenon. Haven’t you felt something similar with friends or work colleagues? You feel more at ease, more connected, or even infused with personal/professional nourishment from being with this person or community.
When you are in a phase of evaluating priorities and making new choices, you may find that some of the relationships in your life no longer feel right. This can be a difficult adjustment. Give yourself permission to re-evaluate relationships and group associations relative to your values, purpose, vision and who you are becoming. I’m not suggesting that you only associate with people for what they can “do” for you! Nor am I encouraging you to become a social snob that must have only a certain caliber of people in your life. Rather, I encourage you to notice how you feel energetically around people and places. (Email me at Marian@WakeUpInspired.com with what you notice or questions.)
Toxic relationships are obvious, while other vibes may be more subtle. You might be tempted to gloss over these sensations. I encourage you to bravely and honestly notice when you feel alive and nourished, and when you feel flat or “not really connected” with certain people. Notice if you’re hanging in there primarily out of guilt, history or inertia. Also, let yourself off the hook for relationships that didn’t thrive in the past. It’s possible to start fresh.
Beyond moving on from relationships that are not truly nourishing you, I also invite you to enthusiastically explore new Right Tribe connections. Consider your own callings and what you’d love to create in your life moving forward. With whom might you create alliances for your inspired mission? You might find Right Tribe around a common passion, such as being more environmentally conscious. By all means, do not feel like your resonance should be related to a noble cause. A fascination with quilting, science or hip-hop music might be the thread that brings you together with your Right Tribe for whatever is meant to unfold.
My client Susan noticed that she craved something different in social situations. While her social circle had not changed, she found that she was evolving in ways that made her impatient with conversations about TV shows or work gossip. She could attempt to transform these gatherings to feed her cravings for more meaningful stimulation, or she could start shopping around for new Right Tribe experiences. Ultimately, she did a bit of both.
Another client, Mario, a leader in his community, realized that he benefited from personally connecting with admired peers outside of that community. Since most people in Mario’s life looked up to him, he appreciated how this level of “higher peer” Right Tribe challenged him in refreshing ways.
Rebecca gained insights about her disharmony with her work environment, ethics and pace. It wasn’t easy, but she set new intentions about finding a sense of Right Tribe in her professional life. She was able to start fresh in a new position with a culture that was more in sync with her values.
The bottom line is to be true to your own vibe, to know what fuels you, and to keep making connections that feel uplifting. Set an intention to have relationships and communities that bring out the best in you, and where you bring out the best in others.
Powerful Questions
Reflect on the following thought starters in your notebook. Consider discussing with a supportive listener (or coach/group).
• Step back and check in about what you really want to create in your life. What kind of support, inspiration, or camaraderie would be great for you? Who would you love to connect with to help you fuel that?
• Begin to define Right Tribe for you. Try filling in these blanks: My Right Tribe needs are well fed when I have people with whom I feel___________and we______________.
• Give a score to your current satisfaction with “Right Tribe” in your life, 0-10
(0 = not at all satisfied, 10= extremely satisfied).
• What are types of Right Tribe for you? Consider professional, personal, spiritual, community and so on.
• What are relevant levels of Right Tribe for you? Do you crave being challenged by others who might mentor you? Would you love peers to have for social fun or professional collaboration at an equal level? Do you need someone to be a patient listener or sounding board? Do you need a helper?
• Consider Right Tribe affinities relevant to the mind-body-spirit fuel I keep advocating. (Hey, why not go for efficiency?) Explore relationships or communities for walking, yoga, going out dancing, healthy dining or whatever recharges your spirit for now.
• What’s most important about Right Tribe for you?
• What may want to shift in you in order to allow for more optimal Right Tribe relationships?
Adapted from Wake Up Inspired: Fuel Healthier Success and Love the Life You’re Meant to Lead by Marian Baker.
For more tips, resources, and discussion about healthy, meaningful success for today’s women, please visit WakeUpInspired.com
